Relationships and Marriage: Wife's relationship with male friend......

I found a similar situation like mine on this forum? http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/18738?start=15&tstart=0 which prompted me to post my own situation.

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My wife and I have been married for 5 years and have had a wonderful marriage so far. We have two children ages 3 and 1.

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My wife is a manager of a group of 13 people. One of the people is a guy (Mike) who is a few years younger than my wife. The two hit it off instantly and seemed to become good work friends. When my wife would come home, she would commonly tell stories and information about Mike. At first I didn't mind, but then she would start talking about Mike shortly after we made love. I would brush my emotions away because I thought I was being over jealous.

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About 3 months ago, they became facebook friends and started playing Words with Friends. Then Mike invited my wife and I to play softball with his team and do a mud run together. With two children and no family around, this meant I would be watching our girls while she spent more time with Mike. I immediately shot down these events out of jealousy but downplayed my emotions in front of my wife to simply explain it wasn't something we could do. I began to notice my wife texting more often and noticed one day that she had hundreds of texts from Mike.

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One night after work, she went out for happy hour with her co-workers and didn't come home until around 10 or 11. I confronted her about Mike and she pleaded nothing was going on. I told her I trusted her that should would do the right thing about her and Mike's relationship now that she knows how I feel.

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Fast forward a month and I find that she secretly invited him to go to the driving range with her after work (she knows how badly I want to teach her how to play golf). Then I found she flirtatiously invited him over one night I was gone, to do P90X with him. The two have exchanged other flirtatous comments about doing things together. Finally, we went on a trip to see my parents and I could tell my wife seemed very distant at times. She was constantly texting him and chatting on facebook with him. They told each other they missed one another and that they wanted to go out to eat when she got back. Mike asked her emotional questions and she responded by sharing her emotions and explaining how she was upset with me because I had left for one night to go fishing with my dad and brothers.

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I'm a very transparant guy and she saw how upset I was. I confronted her about everything and she was very defensive about saying nothing is going on. I explained how Mike is becoming her best friend, a confidant, an emotional kickstand. How every text signifiies they are thinking about each other. I think she understood about 80% of how I felt and told Mike that her relationship with me is the most important in her life.

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When we got back from our trip, she argued fiercely that she wanted to go out for her co-workers birthday (which meant Mike would also be there). The night before she was going to go out, I found a dozen texts between her and Mike and found she changed her facebook password. The night she went out, she texted that she was dropping everyone off and would be home ASAP (this is at 12:22AM). At 1:30AM, my mind is racing with thoughts of, is she okay and is she cheating on me with Mike. I confronted her about the texts that night and she explained it was all work related and that she was out late because she had to drop people off and her phone was dead (all plausible explanations). The next day, Mike sent a few texts asking if I was mad at my wife; obviously texts which are inappropriate given the fact my wife talked to Mike about her relationship with me.

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Sorry for the long story but in short order; I feel like an emotional basket case. I feel over jealous and like I've lost a tremendous amount of trust in my wife and my marriage. After her first failure to heed my heart-felt feelings, I feel like any further discussions could only make things worse.

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I feel terrible spying on my wife's communications but if I hadn't done so, I would have been oblivious of what would inevitably happen.

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I've been praying and asking God for help, healing, comfort, and restoration.

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Please help if you have any advice.

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/25024

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